Ghosts Don't Need Pants!...

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HO HO HO, MERRY HALLOWEEN!!! It’s that time of year again, folks. The one time each year you can dress up, put on a mask and F*CK your significant other BDSM style while the kids are out trick ‘r treating!

Well when else are you gonna get the privacy to do that?

Me personally? I will be putting a (hopefully clean) bed sheet over my head and going as…(no not that, you filthy pervert) Casper the Ghost!...20 years later after he hit puberty, married, had kids, got a job in middle management, had a physical altercation with his wife over money which ended in the kids calling the police, had to spend 3 years in jail, lost his job because of the incident, lost all his money in the divorce settlement, wandered the streets for months until he was taken in by this girl named “Wendy” who recognized him from when they dated years ago even though he doesn’t remember who the hell she is but pretends to so he can freeload off her and started spending the rest of his existence in her attic watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island occasionally being visited by her for a pwnage fucking while trying his best not to wake her sleeping husband and children in the bedrooms below.

Hey, I didn’t say I was Casper the 'Friendly' Ghost.

I will be holding a sign that says “OCCUPY HAUNTED HOUSE” and going to the ‘Occupy Haunted House’ movement taking place at the old abandon abortion clinic building on Hanger Street home to over 2,000 grisly killings. (2,000 protesters outside the clinic all burned to death when the firebombs they threw bounced off the building and fell back on the crowd.) I will be protesting the building NOT being haunted.
The good thing about it is, immediately once I get there I can declare mission accomplished! (I’ll be wearing a flight suit underneath.)

Now for those of you who might think that by carrying around an ‘OCCUPY HAUNTED HOUSE’ sign, I am shitting on the cause of the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ protesters. Well……………………………kinda. But I’m already shitting on ‘Harvey Comics’ so I might as well go the full mile. Besides, I DO represent the %1.

The %1 of all who have died and come back. SO DON’T PHASE ME BRO!

I’m also attending a costume contest. I plan on taking home first prize for best costume which is a trophy full of 3 lbs. of candy. By winning it? HA! No fucking way. There’s an all male judge panel and I can’t compete with skimpy nurse, cheerleader and SC4 Ivy costumes, especially since those kindergarteners always seem to be in it to win it. (Must be their “time of month”.)
I’m a ghost remember? My costume should give me the ability to move about mostly undetected (as dictated in the laws of physics, right?). I’m just going right up on stage, pickin’ up the prize and floating my ass out the front door with my middle finger floating not too far behind.
All should go smoothly so long as my fellow 1%ers, Jesus and Optimus Prime, pick me up after the protest and remember to be waiting outside when I take first prize so we can get the hell out of Dodge Elementary.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to continue preparations for tonight. I have the costume, I have the transportation arrangements, now all I need to do is find a way to safely remove my ankle bracelet with this hacksaw.

Hmm, I might have to go as a “pirate" ghost…